Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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