yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
