look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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