Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
