I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
you never un-have a 4some
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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