didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
