I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
