She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
