...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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