On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
