Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
