I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
