I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
