sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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