Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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