I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
