Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
