Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
