Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
