The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
