i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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