My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
