Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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