Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
