Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
