Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
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