there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
