Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
