I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
