I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
