ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
