Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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