So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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