my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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