i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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