i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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