Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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