I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
