This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
