do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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