it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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