Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
