he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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