No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
