??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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