I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
