i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
