im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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