I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
