I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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