It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
