I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
