Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
